"I love you Charlie ..."

As I choked out those words this morning, and left Charlie in the capable arms of his new teacher,  I knew that today was the day.  The day that I have been dreading ever since Charlie was a newborn baby safe in my arms.  I remember nursing him one night at 2am and counting how many years we would have together before he would start school.  At the time, it seemed like we would have forever.

Today that newborn baby started kindergarten.

Today is proud, today is sacred, today is tomorrow.

As parents, we mark time by today.

Watching my  children get ready for school brings back vivid memories of my own youth.  I can smell the Pine Sol that Mr. Nolan used to mop the floors at my elementary school, I can feel the cling of my Gloria Vanderbilt bell bottoms, and I can taste the fear and excitement that were so tightly knit together in the pit of my stomach as I entered junior high.

My mother assures me this style was all the rage in the 70's!

Obviously the fashionista of my time!

Don't get me wrong, I love to watch my children "bloom and grow".

No, really, I do, but it does tug at my heartstrings, and, this morning as Charlie put on his big-boy backpack and bounded out the door for his first day of school, there was a lump in my throat and an ache in my heart (OK, and tears streaming down my face)!

I am so sad not to have a baby at home anymore;  I feel as if I have suddenly lost my purpose -- my raison d'etre.  On this first day of kindergarten, I remember the holy moment of Charlie's birth when his journey in life was brand new, when time seemed limitless.

Today, time passed through my eyes as I walked Charlie to school.   The first day of kindergarten is a venerable right of passage that signals the end of babyhood and bestows a new identity on all who enter.  For the next 18+ years, Charlie will identify himself by his position on the educational ladder: "Hi, my name is Charlie, I am a kindergartner ... I am a 4th grader ... I am a freshman, a senior, a graduate student ..."  No longer will he hold up fingers to tell the world his status.

My first kindergartner will walk through the doors of middle school this year and enter 7th grade,

 my next kindergartner will be the king of his elementary school this year as a 5th grader,

and my last (until today) kindergartner will go "upstairs" to a 3rd grade classroom this year.

Time passes in the beat of a heart. What this first day of school teaches us parents year after year, is that nothing is ever ours to keep.

Our children are not ours alone, as they were when they were babies -- they become citizens of the world, independant of us.

What seems like an eternity passes in the blink of an eye.  Today as I mourn the baby that Charlie was, I celebrate the man that he will become.  I know it will happen much too fast, and that, all too soon, I will be writing a blog about my baby going to college.  Hopefully his big brother and sisters will always be there to protect him in places that I can't.

I wonder what you are doing now,

and if everyone is treating you kind.

I hope there is a special person

a nice friend that you can find.

I wonder if the teacher knows

just how special you are to me,

and if the brightness of your heart

is something she can see.

I wonder if you are thinking about me,

and if you need a hug?

I already miss the sound of your voice

And how you give my leg a tug.

I wonder if you could possibly understand

how hard it is for me to let you grow.

On this day, know that my heart breaks

for this is the first step in letting my baby go.

Oh, how I wish I could make you stay 5 forever.

I wish that you would always reach for my hand when you cross the street.  

I wish that I could always make your boo-boos go away with a kiss.

I hope that you will always wear your favorite superhero costume with pride,

 no matter what it may be,

and that you will always be my little woo-woo and choo-choo man.

I am so very proud of you today and always ...

I loved you before I even met you.

I love you Charlie ... I always have, and I always will.

xox Mommy

PS -- You are going to rock kindergarten!

It's all your fault!

We traveled from the White Mountains of New Hampshire into the Green Mountains of Vermont for the last leg of our adventure.  We raced through covered bridges along the way to stretch our legs.

Then we began to eat our way through Vermont stopping first at the Cabot Cheese factory, and sampling cheese until we were sick.

Moooo?

From cheese, we moved on to the Goodrich Maple Syrup Farm, where we learned what is involved in making maple syrup, and then got to sample the different grades ... yummmmy!

After the maple syrup, we moved on to ice cream at Ben & Jerry's factory!

Charlie rating the sample that we tried!

The outside portion of the tour took us to the "flavor graveyard", where old flavors go to die!

Like all good days, this one ended with a dip in the hotel swimming pool!

The next day was the day that Hannah and Ethan had been waiting for since we began our trip 12 days earlier.  We were headed to visit their very good friends who had the nerve to leave our wonderful neighborhood last year and move to Vermont!  What began as a trip to visit the Thompsons became "Around New England in 16 days" -- if we were going to go to Vermont, we might as well see Connecticut, Massachusetts, Maine & New Hampshire as well!

We took a small break on the way to our friends' house to hike down the Queechee Gorge, which is known as the grand canyon of Vermont.  Ethan said that it was "gorge"ous, and he was right!

Here we are at the top on the bridge ...

Olivia on the phone to one of her besties as we hiked down the path!

After climbing down a very steep pathway, we got to the bottom of the gorge where the kids climbed on rocks, and laughed at Mommy who had to crab walk down the hill so she could get a better picture!

... and here we are at the bottom looking up at the bridge!

Finally we arrived at the Thompson's house where everyone had a wonderful visit that included a lot of laughter, delicious food, sleepovers for the big kids and plans to do it again as soon as possible. 

Ethan and Rowan were instantly up to their old antics

Olivia was thrilled to play dress-up with Georgia and try on all her shoes!

a quintessential New England church

Robert Frost's grave

Hannah and Alex deep into conversation

Charlie 1 and Charlie 2

an impromptu concert

The little kids had Mommy and Mama (and an indoor and outdoor pool) to themselves for the night at the hotel since Hannah and Ethan spent the night with their friends.

Although we were very sad to leave our dear friends in Vermont, we were looking forward to spending the end of our journey in Northampton, MA visiting our friends Becky & Amanda and their 3 children.  Even though our kids had never met, they were old friends in less than 10 minutes! 

No more photos!!!

Olympics, and ice cream and the wii, oh my!!

don't even ask!!!

 We were treated to a talent show with original poetry and music for our morning entertainment!

The younger kids had the most fun running outside in the soft summer rain,

and Hannah got to hone her babysitting skills with her little buddy Sam.

All the kids had a great visit even though it was too short, and can't wait to get together again either in Massachusetts or Pennsylvania!

Tomorrow we will set the GPS to "home" and end this summer's grand adventure, but plans are already brewing for next year.  I hope that someday my children will look back on their childhood summers with fondness, and remember the fun that they had (and forget the time strapped in car seats and seat belts).  I know that these years are so fleeting, and that, all too soon, Hannah will be eschewing family vacations for summer jobs and boyfriends, but while my kids still have no choice, my plan is to drag them across this country, and the world, as much as I can for as long as I can!