The Last First Day of Preschool

Today is the last time I will have a child going to their first day of preschool (well, unless I can convince Joy that 5 is really not that much more than 4, but that is another post!!).  I have had a child in preschool since 2003, and today is the first day of the last year for both Charlie and me (unless I defer kindergarten to hog him for another year in 2012, but that is yet another post!!).

Charlie had a "preview" day last week to check out the class room and meet his teachers and all his new friends.  He couldn't wait to get there

and did not want to leave, saying that he was going to "stay until it is dark outside".

After the preview day, he still had to wait, impatiently, three more days until his real first day of school.  The fact that his three older siblings had been going to school for almost 3 weeks made him all the more excited to get started.  Charlie was so thrilled to finally be going to school that he was up, out of bed, and dressed before his big sister who had to catch the 7:15 bus (he did not have to be to school until 9am!).  The day was all fun and excitement for Charlie, but for me, it was definitely a mixture of bitter and sweet.  Yes, I am looking forward to grocery shopping without his "help", to peeing by myself, and to (gasp!) reading a book, but if I could zap him back to a drooling, diaper-clad, baby bjorn riding infant, I would do it without hesitation.

I realize that the end of his preschool years will drastically change my job description of the past 11 years, and might possibly get me "downsized" from my current position of stay-at-home mom, since I will have nobody to "mom" for most of the day! 

I remember the days when my children were blissfully my own -- I did not have to write a note asking permission to take them to the beach in September -- I was in charge of their day. Then school began, and somebody else took over the awesome job of educating them, and I was left to ask questions about their day -- generally finding out things like,  "we had pretzels and juice for a snack".  I was the outsider looking in on my children's lives, trusting their precious hearts and minds to another, learning that nothing is ever mine to keep.

Charlie's only worry about today was that I would be there with him again like I was during the orientation, and it was clear he did not want me there cramping his style! I assured him that I would be dropping him off and leaving, and he was visibly relieved.  I suppose that I should be happy that Charlie is so well-adjusted and independent, but  I envied the parents who had children clinging to them.  Charlie was so involved in his morning activity that I am not sure he even noticed when I left.

Look out Mrs. Clark ... here I come!

Time passes with each beat of my heart, and although Charlie took a bit of my heart with him to preschool this morning, I know that he must grow up.  He will always be my favorite Christmas present, that perfect little gift from God, and, just as he took his very first steps confidently into my arms, he will step out of my arms and into the world.